It is no surprise that Christmas can be either the most wonderful time of the year or the worst time of the year. Sometimes it is both. Everybody is different and so will have a variety of things that can either delight or dread you. I personally do not think that one size fits all when giving out advice on wellbeing over the Christmas period. You may be someone who is stressing about getting your home looking perfect for social gatherings, you may be a single parent who has no money, you may have lost someone special, you may be the victim of domestic abuse, and you may be someone who struggles with anxiety or other mental health problem. Whatever your situation is, you need to look after yourself and do what is right for you. Not all of these suggestions on wellbeing are going to apply to you. The main theme running throughout all of this advice is: be honest with yourself and other people, and do what is right for you.
1. Plan ahead. Christmas is a busy time of the year and it is important to plan ahead. Buying presents throughout the year can help to reduce the financial pressure and can help save you time too. It is also important to plan your time. It is easy to say yes to too many social invites for fear of hurting people’s feelings. Keeping events on a calendar can help to make sure you don’t overdo things. Remember that it is ok to say no to people. It is possible to do this without hurting anyone’s feelings by saying things such as ‘thank you so much for inviting me but I am not going to able to make it. I have already agreed to (x, y, z) but I will come to your next party/dinner if I can’. Try to mark off a day or two that you don’t have to go anywhere and take some time for yourself. It is easy to become overwhelmed.
2. Avoid comparisons. Most people have a social media account and compare themselves to others. Even before social media was around we had the term ‘keeping up with the Jones’. We see things that other people have and want it for ourselves, it is natural. However, you must remember that what you see in a picture doesn’t always represent the truth. Susan may well have put a picture up of her beautiful family and her pristine home, saying how much she loves the expensive gift her husband bought her. But what you don’t see is the amount of debt that they are in, or the mess the other side of the camera, or the bruises she has because of her husband drinking too much and becoming violent. It is ok to have a different type of home life or less money than the next person, we are all unique. You are doing the best that you can within your means. As long as your situation makes you happy then others can do what they please.
3. Have an escape plan. During this time of year, families tend to visit and stay with each other and you find yourself having to bite your tongue or count to ten. Everybody, whether they are related or not, can do or say things that upset us. I am sure we have all heard of the stereotypical mother in law who visits at Christmas and takes over, criticizes, nags and moans. There may be that one aunty or uncle nobody likes because they drink too much or are rude. First of all, try not to react as this can make situations worse sometimes. Plan ahead to think of things you can do or places where you can go if you need a quiet half an hour or so. Maybe put some headphones on, go for a walk, go and sit on the loo for 10 minutes – do whatever you need to do so that you can calmly go back and respond to needs, questions, demands or suggestions about how you could run your home better!
4. Moderate food and alcohol intake. While a bit of alcohol can make you feel relaxed, don’t forget that drinking too much can leave you feeling irritable and low. Drinking within the recommended guidelines means you’ll get to enjoy a Christmas tipple, whilst reducing the negative effects on your mood. Alcohol can also play a big part in arguments and disagreements, so it’s sensible to drink in moderation. Alcohol can also fuel aggression. For those who are experiencing domestic abuse, their partner can become more violent after alcohol. If you are in this position you obviously have no control over how much your spouse, I’m sure you would not want to say anything to them anyway in fear of a violent reaction. However, you can moderate your own alcohol intake so you can make decisions on how to keep yourself safe. To some people, Christmas is all about the food. However, eating too much sugary or fatty food may leave you feeling lethargic and irritable. You (or the host) may want to please people by offering too much food, but if someone says no thank you, you should respect their decision and not keep offering until they say yes. Similarly, if someone insists you accept food you do not want, remember it is ok to politely but firmly say no thank you.
5. Mix and socialise with people, or don’t. There is a lot of pressure to not be alone at Christmas time. However, you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. It is nice to be asked and invited to be included, but if you would prefer to be alone then you should. Whatever you do, it should be because you want to do it, not because you don’t want someone else to feel bad. One phrase that I particularly like is ‘if it involves fake smiling, I’m not going’. If you would prefer to not be alone, seek out other people to be with, ask them. You might come up with a list of excuses why people wouldn’t want you there at Christmas, but that is you doing other people’s thinking for them. You might not want to be a burden, but if people really didn’t want you there they wouldn’t invite you. There are also lots of community projects that bring people together who would otherwise be alone over Christmas.
6. Be aware of your own needs and mental health. Depression can mean that you have no desire to be included in other people’s activities. Anxiety can mean you feel sick at the thought of having to be in a room full of people. Depression and anxiety can come in waves, so talk with someone you trust beforehand about how you are going to manage any situation that pops up over Christmas. Sometimes we do need that bit of encouragement to get out and enjoy time with others. I have been to parties and dinners that I really didn’t want to go to and by the end of it am glad I went. Every person is going to be different and has different needs, but do try and discuss it with someone you trust beforehand. Do things that you know you like doing and do not allow others to make you feel guilty for your choices. Conditions such as Tourette’s, autism, and ADHD can make social interactions feel more daunting. If you or someone you love has any condition that requires additional needs and you are visiting friends or family, give them a call beforehand to discuss your needs. Simple measures can make a lot of difference to various conditions. Making a quiet place available, taking ear defenders, having an outside space available, knowing what to expect and planning ahead matters. Be clear on your needs and letting other people know can greatly reduce stress.
7. It is ok to grieve. This may be your first Christmas without a child, parent or other loved one, or it may be your 30th. You never get over losing someone you love, but the weight of grief can get easier to carry over time. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child; I think the only ones who really know are those who have been through it. Whether it is a child, parent, grandparent, spouse, sibling or any loved one you should not hide your grief. Talking about it is really difficult at first, but it gets easier the more you do it. You can get specialist help and advice, but you can also encourage other people to just remember the person and talk about them. Set a place at the dinner table in their honour, talk about your memories, talk about special times like birthdays or previous Christmases, or talk about how much it hurts. Keeping it in and not talking about your feelings will not make them go away. Others may not know how to bring up the subject or maybe too scared to say their name in case they upset you. You can cry, laugh, frown, smile, or do whatever it is that comes naturally, you do not need to feel guilty if something makes you laugh. Tell other people what you are feeling and what you are thinking, they will probably be relieved that you did.
8. It is ok to have no money. Who says you need expensive gifts to be happy at Christmas? It is a time to get together with your family, not a time to go into debt to make them happy. If you cannot afford gifts, then the gift of being together is enough. We live in a consumerist society that expects us to spend every penny we have on Christmas. Who are we really making happy with all these gifts? Our family or the shops that now have your money? Why not agree with everyone that you will do something other than buying gifts? Activities such as a gratitude list are a lovely idea. Write your family member a letter telling them how much you love and value them. Or a list/letter saying what you have enjoyed most with them over the last year? I am baking my family biscuits and cakes this year. They know my time is the most valuable asset I have, so they know me taking the time out to bake for them is the nicest gift I can give them.
9. It is ok to be single. Being single myself, I see the pressures that society puts on people to find love at Christmas. The adverts all portray loved up couples in front of the fire. The films all show two people falling hopelessly in love after some tragic event or misguided adventure. What a load of nonsense. I can be happy and not be in a relationship this Christmas. But I know that some people worry about this or think they don’t get invited to places because they aren’t a couple like their friends. In reality, there is probably some other reason they weren’t invited. I have known people to get a boyfriend/girlfriend for just over the Christmas period. What we really need to change is peoples idea that you can’t be happy alone because you can. I have one aunt who always asks me why I’m single or when I’m going to find ‘the one’. She tilts her head to one side and has a sad look on her face. But what is really sad is staying in a relationship that you are not valued in. Living with someone who abuses you physically or mentally is much more harmful than being alone. If you are single this Christmas then you are in a far more fortunate position than someone who is beaten on a daily basis or constantly told they are not worthy. Nobody needs another person to complete them, you are already enough on your own. If you feel alone, you could try volunteering work. It is a great way to meet new friends and give something back.
10. Be healthy if that’s what you want. If you choose not to drink alcohol or to eat healthily over Christmas you are likely to be seen as the ‘odd one out’. However, there is no rule book to say you must eat and drink too much, do what you want to do to stay happy and healthy. You may be visiting friends or family and not able to go to your normal gym. However, there are lots of alternative ways to keep up your fitness. Stairs anywhere are a really good place for exercises. Get outside and go for a brisk walk to get your heart rate up. Being in the same house for too long can get a bit intense, especially if it’s crowded, so a change of scenery will do everyone good! Don’t feel pressured to give in to other people if you don’t want to. Your needs are just as important as other peoples.
If you’re worried about Christmas or feel overwhelmed or under pressure, don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it. If you are feeling overwhelmed or under pressure, talk to someone about it. If you are worried about how you might feel on the day, talk to someone else who will be there too so they can support you when needed during the festivities. There are lots of resources online to give you more ideas about staying happy and healthy over Christmas.
