This is not the usual type of blog that I write as it is not about crime. However, as a psychologist I recognise that these are unprecedented times. The whole of the UK is on lockdown due to the corona virus and this may have an impact on the nations mental health.
As we know, all the schools, colleges and universities in the UK are now shut meaning that the children are home at the moment. I have seen a range of social media posts about how well (or not) parents are coping.
There are some very real challenges in navigating your way around everyone being at home. You may have to work from home yourself. You may have several children of different ages who all require a different type of work and attention. I have seen lots of posts about homeschooling and the various activities they have created. However, I have also seen some posts from teachers encouraging parents not to try and home school their children.
I have spent a long time on the government website to look for the requirements of home-schooling and the advice is unclear. For younger children, there does not appear to be any legal requirement for a parent to deliver education from home. Some older children may be required to complete online assignments set by their schools and colleges. However, there is no guidance on whether or not parents should be delivering extra classes or education.
My son is currently doing his A levels. I took A level maths and somehow managed to pass. However, I know I would be useless if I was required to try and teach him any of that. If I was asked to educate my child on high school history or French, I wouldn’t have a clue! So, could we be doing more damage to our children by insisting that they take part in educational activities at home? There are some parents with an infant and junior school-aged child that would be lost on several different subjects.
We, as parents, are trying to do the best that we can for our children. It is good to keep a sense of normality in their lives during this uncertain time. Trying to stick to some kind of normal behaviour pattern can be a very helpful thing to do during isolation. However, hundreds of people are putting more stress on themselves and their children by forcing them to do this.
Some parents are causing themselves an immense amount of stress by trying to work full time from home, educate their children, and take care of the household chores all at the same time. Don’t try to measure yourself to others who may appear to be coping really well. Sometimes people post lovely looking pictures on social media, but the reality may be very different. We, as parents, need to take care of ourselves during this time so that we can support our children. Don’t feel you have to deliver 6 hours of education and do all the other things you need to do at the same time. Your children are going to appreciate some time with you when it is positive. It is going to cause more stress on the whole family if you try to do too much.
Children are likely to be feeling confused and scared during this time. Changes such as not being able to play out or go to school and see their friends will seem very unfair to them. Changes such as people wearing face masks or empty supermarket shelves can be scary for children. They will no doubt have been talking about it with each other in school before this point.
They are going to need you to remain calm and talk to them about the fears and worries that they have. Our children look to us as parents to decide how they are going to behave and how they should feel about a novel situation. If they see their parents crying and worrying that they are going to die, the children will unquestionably believe that they are going to die too.
The most important thing to do with children is to give them honest information and advice. Of course, you will need to keep in mind their age and tailor this information accordingly.
For example, you might say ‘we don’t yet have a vaccination for Coronavirus, but doctors are working very hard on it’ or ‘a lot of people might get sick, but for most people, it is like a cold or flu and they get better’.
The British Psychological Society has issued a few bullet points of advice when it comes to talking to children. These are:
Allow children to ask questions: Naturally, children will have questions and worries about Coronavirus. Giving them the space to ask these questions and have answers is a good way to ease anxiety.
Younger children might understand a cartoon or picture better than an explanation.
It is ok to say you don’t know – at the moment, there are questions we don’t have answers to about Coronavirus.
Maybe your child has an idea too – let them tell you or draw them.
Try to manage your worries: Uncertainty can make all of us feel anxious or worried. Identify other adults you can talk to about your worries. Use techniques that help to make you feel a bit calmer – if you are at home, music, breathing and relaxation techniques, distraction (such as watching something funny), and time with family can all help.
Give practical guidance: Remind your child of the most important things they can do to stay healthy but find motivation for keeping going, like thinking of a song they want to sing while washing their hands).
You may be driven completely up the wall by your children’s behaviour. They don’t do what you tell them to do. They shout and scream and get frustrated. I know I am going to be very unpopular when I say that is partly down to how you have brought them up.
There are many influences on our children’s lives. They have friends at school and home. They watch television programs and follow role models. The teachers at their school will undoubtedly influence your child’s behaviour. But as parents, we must not pass responsibility entirely onto others.
There are hundreds of ideas being shared on social media on how to keep your children entertained. Join a few Facebook groups or other online forums for ideas. Try to keep in mind that time passes quickly and children grow up fast. Try to enjoy some of the time you get to spend with them. Our children look to us for clues on how to behave or what to think of a situation so set a good example. This period will be one they remember for a long time because of it’s uniqueness, so create as many positive memories as you can.
